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When I Grew Up

At age ten I had pretty much zeroed in on what I wanted to be when I grew up and I wasn’t so sure there was any point in waiting.

Ten years is a good age in many ways. Physically, I was spry and (as far as I knew) fully functional and felt great almost all the time. Exceptions were when I stabbed myself with the compass that we were required to keep at our desk, stomach aches, poison oak, bee stings, cuts, thorns, and other incidental physical maladies common to the life of an active boy.

I was spiritually inclined, though religion brought me no particular comfort. I prayed fervently.

One June morning during the strawberry picking season, I awakened in a dark angry mood. My habit upon waking had been to lay immobile and relax every part of my body right to a point where in a sudden bolt of action, I sprang out of the sheets with feet on the floor, leaving slumber behind. It was very energizing and got me out of the warm cocoon that would otherwise hold me captive.

While I was going through the limb by limb relaxation I puzzled over the dark anger. Where did it come from? Why was it there? What was the point?

I didn’t want it. So I wondered if it was just something I had to live with, or if it could be sent away. There was no advantage in keeping it. I didn’t ask to be mad. Angry people that I’d known were cruel, rude, and unpleasant. Calm people that I’d known were pleasant, polite, and kind. By the time the last of the ritualistic relaxation was done, I knew my plan. The moodiness would be given up to a change of attitude at the same time when energy was applied to every limb when I jumped out of bed.

To my complete satisfaction and glee, it worked! Since that day, I’ve never had to remain out of sorts any longer than I was willing to put up with it.  It helped satisfy my goal. When I grew up, I wanted to be happy.

I didn’t wait.

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