I’ve always heard that truth is even more strange than fiction.

So what happened?

I suspect there is much more to the story than is reported.

In a far away place, a man reported to be “in emotional distress” has gone missing. As far as I know this is the first sign of abnormal emotional distress from this individual.

I doubt he committed suicide.

I suspect he’s either alive and whooping it up under an assumed identity, or he has fallen into aggravated misfortune at the hands of others.

Theory: he was found to be unfaithful in marriage and his bride or someone she knows dealt with it.

The local news did not identify him in their story. This is peculiar, considering that if he’s a missing person the identity and photograph of his face as well as detail about his car would have been reported. That way people could call in if they saw either.

The car has been recovered near a big reservoir hours from his house.

Theory: the police know more. If they thought he was just missing, they’d be interested in facilitating any one spotting him.

The mystery deepens.

***update***

The whole thing was deception. The news stories tell it this way:

He feigned a bit of a depression for a few days for his wife’s benefit  then grabbed money from the ATM and some cash-back at the store and hit the road. He bought a raft and rope and a block of concrete, a laptop, and lunch. Then he drove to a distant reservoir. Along the way he was pulled over by State Patrol, but had already forgotten to pretend that he was depressed. So he told the officer that he was headed for his vacation. Bags were visible on the seat to confirm this.

At the lake, he wrote on the raft and set it adrift from a spot he marked with a cross. Keeping his passport, cash, laptop, and phone , he rode a bicycle to the nearest store. His wallet and keys stayed with the vehicle. He tossed the bike in a dumpster behind a store. Still sweaty, he used the store keeper phone to summon a cab. He bragged he’d ridden a bike from the lake.

Through the day he’d texted his new wife about his intentions. Finally he sent her a photo of a suicide note and for no extra charge he left the note on the seat of his truck or car (depending on which source you read) for others to cherish.

Being somewhat less capable than he believed himself to be, he failed miserably at establishing his demise.

By claiming to be depressed over something he frankly should have been depressed over, but was likely not the least affected by owing to a general lack of conscience, he only began to set the stage. For this fraud, he would need to seek “help” and establish fake honest attempts to come to terms, but he was not that patient. He would also need to imagine all the pieces of his hoax working together as a believable script and behave accordingly.  And he would take some pains not to insult people. But he didn’t do the counseling or reach out for help so  as to establish the root of his phony anguish.

Putting a cross at the launch point and writing his date of death on the raft  shouted, “Hey – narrative! This is narrative! Pay attention.”  That was an insult to everyone.

He shouldn’t have insulted his wife and fellow employees.

His wife could be offended by the whole thing but particularly by his jubilant communication to a love interest while  she was grieving. That’s rude.

His buddies could feel insulted by the overall idiocy of the plan and its crappy execution (no pun intended).

He actually worked with people in his job whose expertise is to figure out stupid behavior and he didn’t give them much of a challenge.

Suicidal people to be believed should 1) be suicidal and 2) try to follow through. He failed on both counts.

Not long after the cab ride he contacted a “female who was not his wife” to lay out all the details of his big adventure. At no point has he contacted his wife.

So now we leave the reported accounts of his lame suicide.

He ought not have bought the laptop using his store credit account. That was stupid. But he could have mitigated that by leaving it behind. Then he wouldn’t be tempted to check his email with it far from where he was supposed to be anchored lifeless in a lake.

He ought to have left behind his phone and passport and all the money. After all, you can’t take it with you. Oh, wait. that’s to the next world.

Before all of this though, he should not have been chasing skirt when he had a new bride and children to support.

Just guessing, but his master likely called him to action from it’s headquarters in his pants. A trouser snake has no conscience. So now he’s ditched a second wife. Last time he also left behind an infant and toddler.

Meanwhile, he was and probably still is entirely unaware that his preoccupation with being a cad to the first wife was, shall we say, no secret to her starting the first day after he sent her away to his mother’s house with the kids.

He left tracks. She tracked the expenses of the busy married bachelor and somehow followed his social media antics live, watching as he tried to lure women to his pad with promises to please them greatly. Without electronics it would have been a long time before she could believe that her husband and the father of her children was such a shameless liar with such low standards for his own conduct. No one expects that.

Meanwhile, he was on the prowl for women.

They divorced. On the day the papers were signed, his mother asked the now ex wife and grand kids to move out. She gave excuses, but the reality was she’d done her part to keep them fed and sheltered so that the true gravity of her circumstance would be muted as the divorce terms were hammered out.

Days before the botched fake suicide, he had his children for a several day visit. His wife and mum did the heavy lifting. It was, by all accounts, perfect. Then days before the big adventure he skyped with them. Their mother had a distinct sense that it would be the last time.

With that over, he moped about to set the stage so his wife would be convinced he was working through an inner anguish.

Then he made cash withdrawals at the ATM, staged his death, and bragged to a woman via email.

So now he’s on the run, charges have been filed, and bond has been set. Apparently his fall back excuse will be to blame 1) whoever is handy and 2) medications. Even so, he’s fired. His children will not starve because their mother can work more and replace the support checks that will not be coming while he plays pretendo in a far away place.

But who knows, maybe even the botched job was all fake. It’s consistent with his mental prowess, but maybe he will have a ‘stupid day’ where ever he went and will get rolled by thugs. Maybe he already has. Or maybe he will get tired or hungry or needy and fall prey to some drug lord who will press him into service in exchange for low pay and even lower pleasures. I doubt he has any moral limits if he can get his “needs” serviced.

Or maybe, just maybe, someone else managed the lad to make it look like a botched stupidcide and then did him in. After all, if he is alive somewhere in hiding, no search is necessary. Just wait for him to surface (pun not intended). It’s just a misdemeanor charge  after all.

My opinion is that he has the wrong name. It should be Ay-ay-ron. Ya dun messed up Ay-ay-ron! Instead, he settled for a simpler one. Moe Ron.