The most common observation about parenting has been that what children most appreciate is your time. That means you talk with, play with, sing to, eat with, and teach them among other things. Those who replace quantity of time with intense bursts and call it “quality” time may be cutting them selves out of the really good stuff, because as every gardener knows eventually, the harvest is not the only joy in it.

My children have left the nest, all of them. A couple settled thousands of miles away. Another is hundreds of miles distant. Two are in the vicinity.

There is a difference in the relationship when the child is not a dependent but I find them no less fun or satisfying to be around. They’re good people.

What I didn’t realize until recently is that spending time with these people is still the  indicator they trust of my interest in them. I’m no traveler. I keep in touch daily with those who like me to and less often with those who seem to prefer less. But I think I  don’t visit the far away ones often enough to convey my actual interest. I visit them ever year or so. One of them is not so easy to reach via phone but email works.

Now I think that visiting grudgingly ever year or so is a bad practice. It really does communicate an incorrect message. Time is the a currency in relationships. Everyone has their own comfort level and while more time than they need creates discomfort, less time says disinterest and disinterest is not love.

Here is a tie my daughter made for me. She asked what color to use and I said, ” left over fabric from any dress”  she made for her daughter would work.

It is a spectacular color. Pretty feminine color, but under the circumstances I’m happy to wear it among friends.